Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

To say that yesterday and today have been rough days is kind of an understatement. It's been hard getting out of bed and staying away from being in it. Came home from the elementary where I teach at yesterday and slept until 9pm. Woke up, ate something, and went back to sleep. I know things are bad when I'm sleeping this much and I'm still wanting to sleep more. My parents will tell me that it's from sleeping too much, but it's more than that. I know I need to go workout, even just take a walk around the neighborhood, but that's a struggle. It's a struggle between two sides of myself. The side that is determined  to get up and out there and get the ball rolling out of all this mess. Then, there is the side that just isn't interested or motivated and just wants to sleep because that's the only time when the constant thoughts and fighting within myself stops. At the end of the day, it's my call what side of myself I give way to and right now, that side is the latter of the two. And trust me, this doesn't sit well with me. Too much fun and exciting events are coming up and I don't want this "funk" get in the way of the fun I'm going to have. I'm going back to the town where I went to college for the weekend for one of my sorority sister's bachelorette party. I'm going to be reunited with all the girls that I lived with in the sorority house and who were apart of the college experience everyone told me I was going to have. I'm sure you're thinking "why doesn't this girl just pull herself up by the bootstraps already and stop wallowing". Well, every second of every day, I am trying to do exactly just that but everything right now is a lot easier said then done. It's the never ending, 24-hour battle. But, I see it as a good sign that I'm making myself go this weekend. I'm giving myself no option and no excuses out of not going. Deep dow, I feel it is needed in a weird and backwards way. I see it as a sign of there being some fight still left.

A constant reminder every minute of everyday.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow will be filled with many good moments because I don't want to ruin this weekend for myself or for my friends.